“I’m a writer,” squeaked the mouse.

ihijinx blog "I'm a writer," squeaked the mouse. Image representing self belief.

I’ve been blogging for just over a month now with the aim of acclimatising myself to the world of writing and having my words read, criticised and commented on. I feel I have made some progress but recognise I have a long way to go.

As a designer, I presented to panels of VIP’s many, many times, easy peasy. I enjoyed it. However, reading aloud at my writing course, I would fall apart; voice trembling, palpitations pounding my chest. I was never able to take in responses to my work because I was concentrating so hard on breathing! When I began my second year at Warwick I knew things had to change. The time had come to take another step forward.

In 2007, I read about Prof. Dan Reinstein, a laser eye surgeon (and general optical clever clogs). I kept the article as a promise to myself that, if I was ever brave enough, I would ask Prof Dan to do my surgery. I’d worn glasses since the age of nine and hated every minute of it, but, I was also terrified of laser eye surgery.

It would be the most money I’d spent on myself, ever. Obviously, I’d bought a car, had a mortgage etc. but I discounted them as essentials. I’d never really put myself first before, this was all for me and it felt indulgent.

It took months to muster the courage but, I had laser eye surgery at the London Vision Clinic last December. I took control, gave myself something and it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The difference it’s made to my life has been unreal. (Thanks Prof. Dan and LVC team!) Score 1 for indulgence.

I would never have thought to blog about the Mumsnet success until I was advised to do so because I’d be ‘bigging myself up’ (am I allowed to say that after 40?) Again, it felt indulgent but I did it. I’m really stacking up the scores now… Or am I?

I was at a party last week and got asked what I did for a living – after a long winded preamble about design and branding and blah, blah, the word ‘writer’ came out of my mouth like a squeaky mouse (actually, I think I’m doing mice a disservice here). I squirmed in my seat and felt an utter fraud – because I sounded like one.

I have a big event coming up in December – a Gala Dinner for RMHC (amazing charity, you should check it out) at a table with my, super cool, sister and various important business people.

I have set myself a new challenge: to introduce myself as a writer and artist.
I intend to do it with confidence and poise…

The images for this post are of my son leaping into a swimming pool (Majorca). His self belief at four years of age was amazing and, no different now. He never hesitated – I could do with some of that!

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5 thoughts on ““I’m a writer,” squeaked the mouse.

  1. It’s hard to admit you’re doing the thing you always dreamed of doing without feeling like a fraud! I once told someone I wasn’t a ‘real writer’ and she laughed at me – “You’ve got two books published, what do you need to do to be a real writer?!” So I’m learning too…

    Practice in front of the mirror and with sympathetic friends. “Hi, I’m Zak and I’m a writer.” Like AA but in a good way!

  2. Pingback: You are what you write | ihijinx

  3. Pingback: You are what you write | ihijinx

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