I’ve had several, very funny, comments regarding my previous post – laughing helps enormously (no pun intended). In my head, the mouse that made me squeak was a tattooed burly bruiser in DM’s and I allowed her to intimidate me. Why? Below is a quote in response to a comment I made on Elizabeth McFarlane’s blog – seems I’m not alone…
“Why are we women so often in need of that confidence boost/better self esteem that you mention? …we are too concerned with being liked. We need more emotional resilience. I think it’s a work in progress for a lot of us.” Elizabeth McFarlane
I gave birth to two beautiful sons and while my patience grew, my confidence declined. By the time I realised what had happened it was too late, the tipping point passed by like a feather in the wind. Climbing back is tough – I’m sure it wasn’t this hard the first time around, was it? I’m blessed to have a support network of strong women, giving me that confidence boost when I need it (and sometimes a kick up the bum!).
While I have more faith in my ability as a writer, I still worry about what my words will say about me. How will I be judged? How will my work be received? I’ve replaced one neurosis with another! Will it ever end? Probably not. If I stopped worrying I’d stop pushing myself. What I’m saying is that I have decided to stop worrying about being so worried all the (bloody) time and bring my focus back to the book and writing.
Last week I commented on a couple of blog posts while under the influence of sleep deprivation. I re-read the comments (after numerous cups of coffee) and realised how dreadfully dull they were. So, as you can imagine, I’m quietly obsessing about how I must seem to the owners of said blogs (who I respect and want to be liked by – and I’m trying to be a writer! Duh!).
* NB – don’t write when tired, editing is key and finally – write it, leave it, rewrite it.
Even if it’s casually written, your comment will say more about you than the words you use. There’s no getting away from it – we are what we wear, what we talk about and how we express ourselves. Our public face – no matter how hard we try to resist – tells the world about us.
I’m looking for validation not because I’m insecure (anymore) but if people don’t pick up on what I’m doing, and like it, how can I expect a publisher to? A lot of work needs to be done and I’ve been putting off my story because I’m still stumped by the “bad man” (again on the puns, sorry). I’ve decided to leave him for now – he will manifest himself in time. For now, I have to push my word count up in a big way if I’m to make progress on the book. Hopefully by the time I’m published – and I will be published (I’m beating the hell out of that mouse now!) I will have worked out all this nonsense.
Image: I looked at Lichtenstein and Batman but in the end I made it up. Ta Da!