Hello! I know you’ve been wondering (perhaps worrying? …bless you) about what ever happened to this blog… so have I!
Truth is, I’ve been very busy over the last few months but not had much to say. My husband made a huge career change over Christmas which has taken up more of my time than I could have EVER anticipated leaving me with little or no headspace for any kind of creative output. I’ve been multitasking – trying to keep a happy, balanced household and winning! However, I have felt a bit drone-like – ticking off jobs can be satisfying but not fulfilling.
Am I happy?
I can’t give a short answer. I’m content in the knowledge that I’ve supported my family through a transitory stage. Supporting my children and household makes me feel good because I benefit from the calm and balance too. Only at that point of balance am I able to focus on me and my personal happiness. Those times of focus don’t happen very often and this is where I need to train myself – to make the most of the rare moments I’ve worked so hard for. What I’m trying to say is that I need to take charge of me again and extend the support to include myself…
I’ve lost my connection to that lovely work flow (you know that thing where you start working, find your rhythm and before you know it three hours have whizzed past? THAT.) I’ve been losing it since Christmas. How to get it back? First, I have to give myself permission. For me, this is not as easy as you might think. I need to make my personal goals more of a priority – sounds like it should be simple… ever heard the one about the chained elephant?
Elephant chain syndrome is when we are held back by self imposed limitations and entrenched thinking patterns.
- Continuous put-downs from one or both of your parents.
- Embarrassing moments that you had in your teenage years.
- A lack of confidence in your ability.
- Fear of failure (or success).
- Fear of the unknown, making the chain a bizarre security blanket.
- Fear of standing out from the crowd.
- Significant emotional abuse from a person of influence in your life.
- Failed attempts that you haven’t yet learned from.
I can tick six of those boxes… am I a chained elephant?
The honest (and short) answer is – yes. Sadly, at my age, I still have demons from my past I need to deal with. I suppose some people don’t ever reach a position where they recognise what they need to do but I’m an analyser, introspector, and a highly self critical sort of chained elephant.
I can see the chain now and I’ve decided it doesn’t suit me.
I don’t want it anymore.
It can go.
I will continue to support my household and breathe the air my children give me. In the background I will be quietly chipping away at the pesky chain that binds me to negative past events. My task is to not only work on my book and art but also to tackle some deeply entrenched negative habits.